Thursday, 21 April 2016

'Aeroplane Mode'

Anyone who's mind spends 95% of it's time in overdrive (like mine does) will know what I mean when I say that sometimes the urge to temporarily shut everyone out is overwhelming. 
My saviour in these times of mental haziness... aeroplane mode.  

Perhaps saviour is the wrong word to use? Escape might be better suited. 

I have days, and weeks, where I cannot cope with contact from the "outside world"; a simple conversation can be enough to send my mind into melt down. It's days like these where I like to shut my bedroom door, hide under the covers and turn my phone on to aeroplane mode. 

Anyone who knows me well (my family, my partner, my house mate, my best friends) understand that I just need a bit of space and that sooner or later I will crawl out from under my duvet and resume life as 'normal'. 

After spending a bit of time picturing what it would be like if I were the friend, or loved one, watching someone that they cared about shut everyone out (all be it temporarily), I came to the conclusion that 'aeroplane mode' wasn't the right way to be dealing with my emotions.

If I am honest, I am not entirely sure what the right way to deal with my emotions is. However, I have managed to eradicate self harm, mass smashing of various house hold items and now aeroplane mode, from my long list of coping mechanisms/habits. 

It's not all good news; I do seem to have adopted the unattractive habit of swearing; "I feel shit" is what I will now say to people when I find myself wanting to shut the world out.

It would appear that 'I feel shit' is welcomed far more readily by my friends and family (bar my Mum who won't ever be ok with me swearing) than me ignoring them whilst I deal with my feelings of anxiety. In fact 'I feel shit' is often greeted with jokes, cards, chocolate and stories of other peoples funny life mishaps.

Right now I feel great

Fran x