Tuesday, 12 August 2014

A Crazy Day...

I write this post with a very famous person in mind; no matter what you think you see, you never really know how somebody feels or what they are thinking. 

There are occasions in life where my mind feels like it is being sucked into the pit of my stomach by a whirlpool of exasperating strength. I have one tiny thought (of the negative variety) which leads to another tiny thought, which in turn leads to so many tiny thoughts that I become one big overthinking mess and before I know it I feel out of control with worry. Worry & a feeling of hopelessness, like I am incapable of doing anything.
Yesterday was one of these occasions...

I spent a large percentage of the day crying (boohoo), picking arguments with anyone that would acknowledge my existence and not doing anything particularly pro-active. This was all because I spent time worrying about "problems" (which aren't actually that problematic) rather than doing something about them. My instinct tells me to shut everyone out, and the 'old me' probably would have a good go at doing so, but I realise now that this isn't the way forward. Thankfully, these days of intense emotion and worry are sparsely spread in more recent months, but there have been moments where I have not been able to fight the suction of the whirlpool and I have spent lengthy periods of time wallowing in worry/tears.

Today is a new day, I feel light (in the mind) and grateful; because on reflection everything is not that bad. I also feel grateful because I am now in a position to distinguish the difference between a bad day in my mind and a bad time in real life. Not everyone is fortunate enough to be able to do so. I am aware of how often people say this; but everyone really does have an internal struggle that you do not know about. 

Even the voice that comforts you needs comforting by somebody. 
Rest in peace Robin Williams.

Fran x